Trans rights are human rights.

Trans rights are human rights.

Trans rights are human rights.

And what I mean when I say that is: the sexism, homophobia, transphobia, femmephobia, and other discriminations that are oppressing trans and nonbinary people are also oppressing cis people. The gender policing that happens for trans and nonbinary people happens for cis people, too. supporting liberation for trans and nonbinary people means liberation for everyone.

Trans women are women. Full stop.

Trans men are men. Full stop.

Nonbinary people are nonbinary and can have all kinds of varied gender expressions, they don’t look one particular…


Editor: Sinclair Sexsmith
Publisher: Cleis Press
Deadline: October 31, 2020 (earlier encouraged)
Payment: $50 and 1 copy of the book within 90 days of publication
Rights: non-exclusive right to publish the story in this anthology in print, ebook and audiobook form. Authors will retain copyright to their stories.

Sinclair Sexsmith is editing the next volume of Best Lesbian Erotica, and is looking for your best sexy stories about queer women.

Representations of queer women, non-binary, and trans women’s sexuality that are not as frequently seen — with ability, race, ethnicity, class, neurodiversity, ace-spectrum, age, religion, or other marginalized viewpoints — are particularly of interest.

Writers who have not previously published are encouraged. Writers of color, particularly Black writers, are encouraged.

#Ownvoices stories…


A friend of mine recently asked me if I had any resources for chronic pain and sexuality. I knew of a few off the top of my head, but I started looking around, and querying in a few of the sex educator groups I’m in, and on Twitter, and compiled this list.

Thanks to everyone who weighed in and made suggestions!

What else do you all recommend? Please leave them in the comments.

Spoon Theory

Y’all probably know about the spoon theory — it is very widely popular in many circles, not only when talking about ability, written by Christine Miserandino. …


Photo by Steve Johnson from Pexels

Gender discrimination and racial discrimination are not the same thing.

Some white folks say, “I understand racism — I’m [other marginalized identity], I’m oppressed, too.” Or, “I have experienced intense discrimination for being trans, I can imagine what it’s like to be black.”

But here’s the thing: you don’t.

Racial discrimination is not the same as sexism or transphobia or heterosexism or homophobia or classism or any other marginalized identities and experiences.

I — and all of us white folks — have no idea what it is really like to be a person of color and face racial discrimination.

I am educating myself to read the stories and memoirs and artistic creations to learn what it is like, but I still don’t have any lived experience of…


Over the 13 and a half years of blogging about sex (that’s right — since April 2006!), many folks ask me about the tools that I use. Here are some of my favorite tools, the ones I’m in almost every day, the ones that are now the core of the work I do here at Sugarbutch.

All of these include affiliate links! If you sign up through one of them — first of all, thank you! …


I just read your identity pronoun piece on Medium and I would like to converse with you about a few questions I have.

My child is currently identifying as non-binary. My only issue is from a grammar stand point. I struggle with referring to an individual in a plural way due to years of grammar education. I truly feel that I (and possibly others) may catch on quicker if it didn’t seem like we were being incorrect with the grammar by being correct in addressing the person.

I truly ask this with an open heart and mind. Do you think…


Dear cis people who put your pronouns on your “hello my name is” name tags: Thank you.

When you do that, I feel more comfortable putting my pronouns — they/them. I feel more comfortable being visibly out as nonbinary. I feel more comfortable asking people to use the pronouns that feel most like me, that make me feel most seen and whole, instead of just resolving to be mis-gendered and mis-represented and whatever who cares anyway.

(Maybe I do, somewhere, a little.)

When we’re doing the socializing part of whatever event we’re at, and we are introduced, I automatically feel…


Outdoorsy hiking boots are just one kind — and a pretty cliche version — of masculinity & butchness. There are millions of other kinds & all of them are valid.

I adore the butch/femme culture. As someone who highly identifies as a femme-oriented butch who is currently dating a trans boy, I adore it even more. And as I have a bit more distance now that I’m a little bit outside of it, I see copious places where it needs some evolution.

Stone Butch Blues may have invented butch identity for the current queer cultural movements, but we need a reinvention.

We need a butch identity where the masculine gender role is criticized and reinvented to include access to all aspects of emotionality, psychology, caretaking, feeling, hobbies, interests, and play.


How to get the green light from a possible sexytimes friend and not be an asshole

One of my biggest challenges as a top—and as a feminist dominant, and as someone who is well versed in and vehemently requires agency and consent in my sexytime play—is making assertions of what I want. This is especially hard if I’m meeting or playing with somebody new. I want to be bold, domineering (in good ways), bossy (also in good ways), sexy—toppy. I want to demand and take and get just a little more rough than expected.

But: I won’t do that, until I have consent. Until I have a very, very clear green light…

Sinclair Sexsmith

Writer. White non-binary butch feminist dominant. They/them pronouns. www.sugarbutch.net

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